Trading Work-life Balance for Work-Life Integration
The term work-life balance can be such a trap.
Some of us perfectionist 100%-ers think that means 110% on both sides of the scale and we wonder why the depletion feels so acute.
Still others of us lie awake at 3 am looking at the ceiling and try to figure out how we can possibly hit more than 25% on either side when there’s a pandemic, a client presentation, a virtual graduation and grouchy frustrated children waiting on the other side of quitting time. We know we can’t continue this way.
We know there’s something fundamentally wrong with the way we’re approaching our days and our lives.
We long for a sense of integration and wholeness- of being one person instead of a whirling dervish of activity. We long to shed the superhero cape and the relentless “to do” list- even for an afternoon.
So, we tinker with our schedules (Maybe I’ll work part-time) trying to fit life into the equation with work. We adjust the expectations of our family to meet reality (Mommy will be able to help you with your homework after this presentation is finished).
We chuck self-care out the door so that we can keep all the balls in the air (I’ll schedule a check-up after this conference season is over).
And then we hit the wall- or maybe a couple of them.
Job loss in a pandemic- check. 401K in freefall- check.
Coworker tested positive for COVID-19- check.
Obsessively check the news and then stop completely- check.
Find ourselves very very worried about paper towels- check.
Our collective longing for a different kind of normal has never felt so close to the bone. We’re looking for a way to make meaning from these months of uncertainty- even as the path toward anything familiar feels out of reach. We’re longing for a simple way to remember who we are in the face of upheaval.
There is a path to integration- one person, one life.
I’ve adopted the phrases “Minding Your Minutes” and “Aligned Engagement” to integrate work + life in a way that allows us to feel good about both. This intentional approach to creating resilience brings clarity to how we spend time and what creates meaning in our days.
It helps cut through the clutter of projects that simply aren’t ours to do. It hardcodes self-care (body, mind, and spirit) into EVERY DAY instead of putting it off until there’s more time (on vacation/ in retirement/ next year/ after this project, etc.).
There are 5 key components to creating resilience using Minding Your Minutes: The Aligned Engagement Integrated Planning model:
Capture your personal Meaning Map in alignment with your values. Getting clarity around what/who is truly meaningful to you and which values truly drive you is critical. It makes your life and work feel like yours, rather than designed by or for someone else. We’ve all been so conditioned to put ourselves last that we lose touch with meaning. We opt instead for busy and overscheduled to drive our sense of worth. We view this crazy-making schedule as a badge of honor, rather than the road to burnout. The clarity that comes from having this guidepost can be transformative.
Approach your calendar and your to do list with integrity. Getting clear on your existing commitments and projects is critical to maximizing the ability to engage well. Laying it out clearly on your calendar helps you notice the white space- or lack thereof- to fully execute on what’s meaningful and important for you and for those you love and serve. Getting clear on where you’re wasting time can be an eye-opener- especially when it’s a strategy for dealing with stress. Often the ticker-tape to-do list is just white noise to help us feel in control in the face of uncertainty. This intentional approach to managing the calendar is a game-changer for most of us. I call this “Minding Your Minutes in Action.”
Approach your health and vitality with the same integrity. Being very honest about how you’re caring for yourself (or not) is a cornerstone of full engagement. You can’t do your best work if you’re depleted, exhausted, stressed and frazzled. It takes a great deal of creativity to include time for yourself in the calendar but it’s the cornerstone of high performers in it for the long haul. My clients and I dig deeply into health and vitality in the Aligned Engagement Roadmap.
Hard code a weekly review into your schedule. Are you meeting your commitments to yourself and to others? What is calling for your attention? How can you serve? Are you in integrity with your values? Are you engaging from the best part of your creativity and spirit? If you’re off course one week, then adjust the rudder to course correct. Notice what throws you off. Give yourself a break and get creative in planning for the week to come. Schedule a Minding Your Minutes Meeting (MYM-M) hour that’s non-negotiable each week.
Hardwire mindfulness practice into each day. You can start with just 1 minute of mindful walking or breathing and create the practice that best suits you. Hardwire it into your calendar. Mindfulness is a cornerstone so that we can pay deep attention at a very visceral level- the body’s signal for a hard yes or a hell no. We’re less able to wiggle out of the truth when we’ve been sitting for months (or years) watching the stories that our minds spin. The patterns become harder to ignore when we pay this kind of attention and less scary to tackle with a dose of self-compassion and kindness.
This pandemic has forced all of us to look at work-life balance or integration in a different way.
The lines between work and home have blurred or been obliterated.
Our vitality and long-term resilience require that we work, parent, and lead differently.
Remembering that we’re one person and that busyness is not a marker of worth requires a lot of deconditioning.
It requires that we take stock and engage in a different and more aligned fashion.
It requires Integrity to show up just as we are.
